The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
by Pinkdesi101
Summary: Take five ticked off OCs, more or less, five derpy authors, and one okami self-insert, mix 'em all together, and you get this. Bacon, Mikey, Mystic, Desi, and Senom have one heck of a journey ahead of them! That is, if they don't end up accidentally destroying Nippon themselves...
1. ye olde prologue

Ye olde prologue-

Desi sat all by her lonesome in her basement.

And by that, I mean she was busy playing video games and completely ignoring the stacks of homework that was due.

"Haha! Die, spotty bulborb!" She cackled as she threw purple pikmin like there was no tomorrow. She jumped when she heard a knock on the door that lead to the garage, and angrily paused the game as she took the wrist strap off and chucked her wiimote somewhere across the room. Walking over to the door, she muttered, "Gosh dang it, dad, why do you always have to interrupt me when I'm doing something important?"

Yes, murdering spotty bulborbs is apparently just that important.

Upon opening the door, however, she instantly stumbled backwards in pure disbelief. There, standing before her, was her soulbound OC, Celia, and the smirk on the character's face wasn't comforting in the least.

"Hello, _author,_" Celia sneered. Her tone just caused the younger girl to continue to scoot backwards. (And nearly trip over a piano bench in the process.) "I'd love to have a chat with you about how I'm finally getting revenge along with my friends, buuut I figured you'll just learn this stuff as you go along anyways, so we're just going to wrap this up fast."

Desi couldn't even force herself to reply before Celia shoved her into a portal that had appeared right behind her.

And then the story got cliche, so everything just went dark.

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}

Mystic sat on her bed, laptop in her lap and I-pod plugged in. Normally she kept one earbud out so she could hear her mom if she called, but not today. And due to the sound-blocking quality of her earbuds, she didn't notice a certain rebellious fairy princess grab the frying pan next to her.

"This is for all the hell you've put me through," Silva muttered as she slammed the frying pan over her authoress' head, knocking the other girl unconscious. She then pulled her authoress off the bed and unceremoniously threw her into the portal behind her.

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}

"'kay, bye," came the cheerful voice of one Misery Elvira Weston as she hung up her phone. Instantly upon hanging up, her semi-cheerful look turned into a rather sulky one as she realized she had absolutely nothing to do. Her friend had just gotten off the phone with her, she had a feeling anything she wrote right now would be horrible, and she wasn't exactly in the mood to draw. That left reading. ...Well, she'd been meaning to read Harry Potter over again anyway. For what, the... 15... 20... something bajillionth time.

With a casual swerve of her old computer chair, Mikey turned from her desk and craptop (typo intended) and got up, walking over to her bookshelf. She frowned slightly at the state of it- stupid thing had no back wall, so books kept falling out of the other side. She briefly checked for spiders, lizards, and murderers with knives or guns (for some reason she didn't know; it was just dark in here and that was sort of making her paranoid) and shrugged slightly to herself, shifting her headphones before reaching into the shelf at her eye level and taking out Order of the Phoenix simply because she felt like it. What came next, she didn't expect- she let out a yell and lost balance, falling backward onto her rear with a painful _thud_. Why?

Because there was a grinning face staring at her out of her bookshelf.

And not just any grinning face- a grinning face she recognized.

Her own face.

"Hi~!" the Mikey-that-was-not-Mikey sang as she stepped out from behind the bookshelf. "Been a while, huh?"

Mikey stared at the doppelganger blankly.

Other!Mikey rolled her eyes and, in a _poof_ of confetti and purple smoke, became another face that Mikey recognized: that of a certain spazzy brunette shapeshifter. Celeste Pike, better known as Abigail, grinned and waved her hand while wiggling her fingers. "How ya doin'~?"

"Abigail... you... how..." Mikey was quite clearly in shock, as that was the only thing she managed to get out.

"Hm... cat got your tongue?" Abigail reached down and snatched Mikey's wrist. "Well, everybody else had a fun idea, so I'm just joining in. Come on, get up."

Mikey slowly got to her feet as the shock began to wear off, blinking slowly and breathing very deeply as she tried to process the fact that Abigail was in her room. However, she barely had any time to consider what this might mean for her before pain suddenly exploded in the back of her head, and she fell to the floor again, this time unconscious.

Above her, Abigail held up a stolen imp's flute and whistled innocently.

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}

"_I've seen the door leading to your heart, and you don't guard it that well! What an embarrassing ta_-" The Shadow of Fantasies suddenly burst into a coughing fit. "Dammit, that's the third time this recording session..."

She slammed the 'stop' button on the recording and deleted the track, then fell back in her chair and took off the headset. "Screw the recording, I'll do it later." The fanfiction tyrant people called Senom muttered, trying in vain to smooth out her hair.

And because she had an empty house and absolutely nothing else to do, as all of her friends had mysteriously vanished at some point in the past little while (getting offline in a suspicious manner, seeing as how one did NOT take this long to play video games, another she didn't even remember what she was doing, and anotherrr had just stopped replying long ago), she decided it was the best idea ever to do absolutely _nothing._

That plan was ruined as soon as she turned around.

"So do you usually suck this badly at that song?" Elizalilac Alexis raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. "I can understand not noticing someone behind you while recording, but I think it's something to worry about when you get up to get a Mountain Dew and don't notice for the whole trip."

Senom blinked.

"... Am I high?"

Lilac leaned forward and smacked her in the face.

"No."

The author rubbed her cheek irritably. "Taking that as a no. What're you doing here, Mary Sue?"

"... I really would've thought you'd be panicking."

"Yeah, I should be." Senom realized. "Your point? What're you gonna do anyway, kill me?"

"I wish." The Crystal Keeper rolled her eyes and then took out her racket. "No, it's something that'll probably result in a lot more pain on your end."

"... Wait, wha-"

The sentence was cut off by a blow to the head. Lilac put Dreamcatcher down and shoved Senom through the portal.

"... Celia, you owe me for this." She muttered before leaving.

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}

Another late night alone, thanks to parents having to work late. But he known as TheManWithBacon, or just Bacon for short, didn't mind...it gave him time alone to work on stuff.

Or derp around with his computer. Either-or.

"_Ok, almost done with the latest chapter...just gotta post it up and..."_

A sudden noise from within the dark house cut off his train of thought.

"_Eh? What was that?"_ he thought, leaning back in his chair and staring towards his open door. Standing up, Alex wiped the cracker crumbs off his pants and quickly downed the last few dregs of his soda before taking a peek out of his door into the hallway.

Nothing. Just lots and lots of _dark._

"_...maybe I'm just hearing things."_

Suddenly, another thump.

"_Then again, maybe not! Where's that knife of mine...?"_

Going to his nightstand, Bacon grabbed the decorative knife that he had picked up on a trip to San Francisco and pulled it out of the sheath, staring at the curved stainless steel blade for a second before slowly stepping out the door into the hall. Gulping to himself, he held the knife in both hands and made his way out into the living room, also devoid of light.

"Hello?" he called out. "Someone there? If you're trying to steal my stuff, I'm warning you, I'm armed!"

"Oooooo, I'm so scared!" said a voice.

Directly _behind_ him.

Spinning around, Bacon swung the knife and was suddenly rebuffed as a strong arm grabbed his own and twisted, forcing him to drop the weapon before a heavy, gauntleted hand clamped down over his mouth and forced him up against the wall behind him.

"MMMPHHGGGFHHHH!" came the strangled shout, shortly before the hand was removed.

"What the hell..._Alex!?_" Bacon exclaimed, looking dead into the face of the half-assed figment of his imagination. "How'd you...?"

"Spidersilk Cloak, remember?" Alex sneered, using his other hand to hold up the article of clothing. "You gave it to me, after all! Who knew it'd be so useful?"

"But...what's with all the hostility?!"

"What do YOU think? Ever since you thought me up, I've been stabbed, burned, nearly drowned, dislocated my leg...and that's just naming a few of the crappy things you've put me through!"

"What? B-but I..."

"What? You didn't think anyone was actually having to suffer through all that bullcrap? Well now you know, and me and my _real _friends are gonna make sure authors like YOU don't make all us OC's suffer anymore!"

"Alex...!"

He got no response from his OC, other than the young man cocking his arm back and throwing a heavy punch right into his face. The force of the hit slammed his head back into the wall, making stars explode in his vision as he crumpled to the ground, unconscious.

"THAT was for giving me such a terrible job in San Francisco!" Alex spat at his comatose creator, grabbing one of his legs and dragging him into a more open part of the living room.

As if on cue, a light suddenly split open the darkness, as a swirling portal appeared in the air before Alex.

"Right on _schedule..._" the traitorous OC thought, heaving the author through the portal and giving him a good kick on the backside for good measure, as both Bacon and the portal vanished into thin air.

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}


	2. The Fellowship of the Brush Powers

Chapter 1- Fellowship of the Brush Powers

Senom was apparently the first person to wake up, with a face full of dirt.

"..." She spat some out and tried to get up. "... We've met with a terrible fate, haven't we."

Mystic immediately woke up upon hearing that line and flipped out. "OHMYGOD HAPPY MASK SALESMAN GET AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

And then Desi instantly sat up. "Happy Mask Salesman? Where? I'M GONNA DIEEEEE!" She spazzed.

"BEN DROWNED!" Mikey shouted, rolling over violently and accidentally hitting herself in the nose with the ground. "...ow. Wait, what- where am I on the- what am I doing here. Is this camp?" she muttered to herself, pushing herself up with her hands. She cringed at once. "Oh mother of- my _head..._"

_"...What's with all the teenage girls I hear yelling?"_ Bacon blearily thought to himself. _"And why is it all about freaking ZELDA?"_

"Oh jeez, my head..." Mystic winced and put a hand to her throbbing temple. "Ugh, what happened...?"

"...Mystic?" Mikey's head shot up eagerly. "Is that you?"

Desi forced her eyes to open and looked around at their surroundings. "...Someone please tell me I'm hallucinating. Now. Or slap me. Or _something._"

"Only if I'm the one who's high." Senom wiped her glasses on her shirt. "What. The. Hell."

"Can someone explain to me what the hell happened and WHY AM I SITTING UNDERNEATH SAKUYA'S TREE-ow, my head..." Mystic squeezed her eyes shut.

_"Sakuya's Tree...? Wait...oh no...don't freaking tell me...!" _Bacon thought, starting to panic as he opened his eyes and looked up into what was undoubtedly the pink cherry blossomed canopy of a _giant_tree.

"OH DEAR AMATERASU, WE'RE IN AN OKAMI SELF INSERT!" Desi exclaimed. And with this sentence, she gave up all hope on living.

Mystic blinked, then rolled over. "Wake me up when it's over."

"Nuh-uh." Senom flipped her off and somehow managed to trip over her jeans in trying to get up.

"Get up you lazy sack of potatoes, we've got stuff to do," Mikey said casually, walking over on her knees to get to where she saw Mystic lay.

Tearing his gaze away from the tree, Bacon looked around and immediately wondered, _"Who the heck ARE these people...and why do I seem to be the ONLY GUY HERE?!"_

Desi's attention snapped to Mikey and she stared at the older girl. "Uhh... Are you... Mystic...?"

Mikey raised an eyebrow. "...No, I'm Mikey. This is Mystic- wait, who are YOU?" She rubbed the back of her head, cringing as she did so. That blow to the head had really, _really, __**really**_hurt. She'd forgotten that Abigail could pack a punch when needed...

"I am!" Mystic waved her hand around in the air. "... and yeah, who ARE you?"

The youngest member of the group was too busy trying to get off the ground, and when she succeeded, just glared in Desi's general direction. "Thaaaaaanks, sis. I really appreciate it."

Desi then stared at Senom, and proceeded to grin broadly. "SIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!"

And there was a glomp of epic proportions.

"DESI. DESI OFF. I JUST GOT HIT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A RACKET USUALLY USED FOR METEOR-SUMMONING." Senom flailed, but her request was denied.

"...so from what I've gathered, I am in an Okami self insert with my best friend, Desi and Senom, and I have no idea who the hell are you." She turned to look at Bacon, rubbing her head as she did so.

"Uh...well...just call me Bacon for now..." the 21 year-old said. "I know it's weird, but it's become my "unofficial-official name" of sorts. I guess. I don't even know anymore..."

"...it's going to be weird calling someone Bacon." Mystic mused.

Mikey blinked. "Wait. Wait. 'Bacon'? Bacon... Okami... Where have I- I know I've heard some connection between those two somewhere." She paused for a moment and frowned. "You're... ugh, stupid blow to the head. Can't remember."

"Oh my god...I wrote STEEL IN THE FREAKING MOONLIGHT!" Bacon yelled suddenly, slapping a hand to his face. "It's only, like, one of the most popular stories in the Okami archive!"

Mikey pouted at once. "Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess! I just took a blow to the head with an imp's flute and I'm not in a good mood. And don't look down on me because I co-write Okami: Abridged and we're a much less popular story than Steel in the Moonlight is." She wagged a finger after this short speech of hers, one hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised as she barely suppressed a bemused smirk.

Mystic proceeded to have another spazz attack. "OHMYGOD IT'S ACTUALLY YOU HOLY CRAP."

"... I sense a fangirl." Senom's eye twitched.

"Senom, shut up or you'll find yourself in an unfortunate position." Mystic glared at the other girl. "I am NOT a fangirl."

Desi officially ditched her sister to go glomp the oldest person in the group.

"AHH, WHAT?!" Bacon shouted, scrambling to get away from the crazy teen and failing miserably. "G-GET OFF ME! I JUST MET YOU IN REAL LIFE, DANGIT!"

Mystic, getting sick of the shenanigans, stood up and yelled, "OBJECTION!" As loudly as she could.

"Overruled," Mikey muttered despite herself. "I suggest you try 'unacceptable'."

Senom flipped her off. "I was gonna say that."

"Too bad, I did it first, now can we PLEASE have some order?!" Mystic flailed.

_What fun is there in making sense?_Mikey's trollsona thought dramatically.

Desi frowned, but ended her attack and stood up, gravitating towards her sister even though she pretty much knew everyone there.

"THANK you...at least SOMEONE in this group besides me has some common sense!" Bacon muttered, standing up.

"Then you be the leader, you look like the oldest and you actually have sense." Mystic crossed her arms.

"I like that idea!" Desi's frown instantly turned into a wide grin.

"W-wait, ME? LEADER? I just met all of you, and ALREADY you're all sticking to me?" Bacon stammered.

Senom shrugged. "Hey, it ain't me. I might or might not have started the trend, but I'm not stable enough for the job."

Mikey pinched the bridge of her nose. "...Okay, from what I can gather here, we're all Okami fanfic writers. Mystic and I co-write Okami: Abridged. Desi writes Okami Amaterasu and Celia's Adventure. Senom writes A Lily Blooming in Nippon and The Man With B- er... Bacon writes Steel in the Moonlight. So then I'm guessing since I got brained with an imp flute by Abigail, you guys got attacked by your own characters, huh?" She didn't particularly expect anyone to pay attention to her- most of the time when she tried to make sense of a situation it required a shrieking "_**HEY, LISTEN!**_" for anyone to look up.

"If by 'attacked', you mean slugged in the face and chucked through a portal by my OC that just HAPPENED to be FREAKING ALIVE somehow...then yes," Bacon muttered.

"I honestly have NO idea what happened..." Mystic's shoulders slumped. "...then again, I had my noise-cancelling earbuds in, you could have had a gunfight in my room and I wouldn't have noticed..."

"Uhh..." Desi trailed. "I was pushed into a portal. Does that count?"

"Was it Celia?" Mikey raised her eyebrows.

Desi nodded. "Stupid freaking OC..." She muttered, half whining.

"Lilac hit me with Dreamcatcher. So yeah, same situation." Senom paused. "... Who here thinks Celia was the one who actually organized all of this?"

"Either her, or Alex..." Bacon supposed. "But I dunno about him, he's not exactly the 'cunning' sort, even IF he's nineteen and has a kitsune spirit helping him."

Desi stared at the ground. "Well, Celia usually _does_tend to lead the OCs..."

"Then Mystic, it was probably Silva. Bah, why'd _Abigail_help?" Mikey complained, burying her face in her hands. "I'm not complaining if we're in Nippon, but she hit me in the head with a flute! And she loves me!"

"...are you all quite done yet?" Sakuya asked above them.

And with this sentence, all the authors jumped a very good height into the air.

"When did- what- how-" Mystic sputtered. "...HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?!"

"Long enough, I would think," Sakuya said simply.

Mystic facepalmed.

Senom muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'aaand we have another official stalker everyone'.

"I will take it that you are the messengers of mother Amaterasu," Sakuya mused, gazing a little skeptically at the five disoriented authors. "In that case-"

"Wait," Mikey interrupted. "What?"

"Well, _this_sounds fun." Desi commented sarcastically. "If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding behind the nearest rock."

_"Well HELLOOO pretty lady!"_ Bacon thought upon first glance at the rather pretty tree sprite, his awestruck gaze lingering on the flowing ends of her long hair and the purple shroud wrapped around her arms. _"Where have YOU been my whole life?"_

Senom, as if being experienced with this sort of thing and as if she had grown up around morons, knew the motions well enough to be able to smack Bacon in the arm. Because we're just going to assume she wasn't tall enough to hit his face.

"Ack! Hey! What was THAT for?"

"I know idiots of the male variety well enough to _read your miiiiiind_." She waved her fingers. "... Nah I'm kidding, I just know when to tell you're looking too hard."

"You know, you can't die from being looked at too hard," Mikey commented. "But anyway, S- uh... I mean, who are you, and what do you mean messengers?"

"I remember nothing about messengers..." Mystic mumbled from the back.

Senom was already humming 'The Messenger'.

"Can you please explain?" Mystic prompted Sakuya.

Desi was already sitting crosslegged against one of the roots of the huge tree, quietly humming Sakuya's theme to herself.

Sakuya looked rather surprised, and her gaze fell on each author in turn as she contemplated the question. "Then, you mean..." she trailed. "Mother Amaterasu told you nothing? Surely she would have told you about the duties she has bestowed upon you?"

"Not really." Mikey frowned and folded her arms. _Does this possibly mean that Ammy is in on this, too? ...No, she wouldn't do that... ...then again... ugh, I don't know what to think._

Mystic shook her head.

Bacon just continued to stare blissfully at the tree sprite.

And Senom just shoved her hands in her pockets and decided that silence was indeed golden.

Desi's reply was completely ignoring the events and continuing to hum.

Sakuya glanced around at the group once more. "...Very well," she said finally, though she still looked very confused. "When I first revived the mother of us all and origin of all that is, Amaterasu, my intention was to ask for her aid in restoring our land of Nippon. See the sky above you..." She gestured upward with a melancholy expression.

Mikey glanced upward to see the sky in its dark, storm-and-wind-ridden state: the state it had been in at the beginning of Okami. If there were any doubts before, they were gone now: this was definitely the beginning of Okami, and this was definitely an Okami self-insert.

Mystic stared at the sky. "...looks ominous."

"Yes," said Sakuya sadly. "Since Amaterasu's untimely departure from this world, Nippon has been ravaged by evil. I asked for her assistance in restoring peace to the land, but unfortunately, Amaterasu had other plans..."

"Meaning..." Mikey had a bad feeling she knew where this was going.

"She had business elsewhere," Sakuya explained. "She said she would send her messengers- five worthy individuals to be the saviors of Nippon. If they failed, then and only then would she step in to save our beloved land."

"...well I must have been sent by accident 'cause I really don't think I'm worthy." Mystic commented.

"Heeeeeeeeeeey!" Desi whined, glaring at Mystic. "I was going to say that!"

Sakuya took a deep breath. "If Mother Amaterasu trusts you..." she said slowly, "...then I trust you as well. Allow me to introduce myself - I am Sakuya, a tree sprite. Before you stands my tree." She gestured to Konohana, then looked expectantly back at the rest of the group.

Mystic took that as her cue to introduce herself. "I am Mystic." She didn't really know what else to say, so she just gave a quick bow.

The only one who was sitting down waved a hand nonchalantly. "And I am the queen of all derptards, but you can call me Desi."

Senom resisted the urge to make double peace signs or a triangle with her fingers and stuck to waving. "Senom the crystal songstress. Self proclaimed title, obviously."

Mikey decided now would be a good time for a dramatic entrance/introduction and bowed respectfully. "They call me Lady Misery- Misery Weston, otherwise Misery Despair. But most simply call me Mikey." Her mind, however, was having a very irritated argument with itself. _Ammy would know full well that we're normal humans... so whether this means she really believes we can save Nippon or not depends. I still can't figure out if she's on our side, or on theirs..._

Sakuya nodded, taking Ammy's very _different_tastes in 'messengers'. "And..." She shifted her gaze to Bacon.

"He's our leader," Mikey said at once, getting an idea. She dropped her voice dramatically, giving Sakuya a serious look. "...Some call him... _Death in a Bottle..._" she said darkly. "Others call him... _the Flaming Warrior..._ but you, Miss Sakuya... you may call him..." Mikey's eyes gleamed. "..._Bacon._"

Desi instantly burst out laughing, clutching her sides after a few seconds due to lack of air and pain.

Mystic was in a similar predicament, rolling around on the ground while she tried to figure out what air was.

Senom was in the same state, suffocation obvious.

Bacon's only reaction was to cast a dark, thoroughly unamused look in Mikey's direction, promising horrors unimaginable...even if that technically _was_his name nowadays.

Mikey simply grinned innocently in response, her expression partially reading that she didn't mean any harm, but at the same time, simply screaming 'PROBLEM, OFFICER?' _I DID give him some awesome titles. And I've suffered my wife, I can live through him._

Sakuya blinked, not getting the joke. "...So, you are the leader of this group, then...?" she asked, turning to look at Bacon again. "Your name is... Bacon?"

The man in question sighed explosively, and muttered "...yes. Yes, I am. Please don't wear it out."

"And I'm second in command, the Great Mikey Weston," Mikey declared.

"Why are you second in command?" Mystic complained. "You don't use sense 3/4ths of the time!"

"Yes, DO tell us why..." Bacon remarked.

"Because I'm second-oldest," Mikey said smugly. "...besides, I've been busy formulating theories on why we're here and whatnot since we woke up. Battle-plan wise and what not? I recommend yours truly." She jabbed a thumb at her own chest. "...I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything. I have an IQ of 125."

"...you know what, Bacon should decide who's second in command. He IS the leader." Mystic crossed her arms.

"I call eight bit on what Mikey said." Desi declared from the tree root she was _still_sitting against for some odd reason. "I'm with Mystic."

"Look..." Bacon began slowly. "We can decide on a second-in-command or leader or whatsit later...for now, what exactly do you mean by 'Saviors of Nippon'?"

Sakuya opened her mouth to answer, but a moment later had to pause in her answer. Why?

...Because her chest had jiggled.

"Uh...Saku-whatsit? Pretty Lady?" Bacon resorted to saying, his gaze unintentionally lowering down to the area in question. "...Something wrong?"

Mikey's eye twitched, followed quickly by the side of her mouth twitching, though she tried to keep a poker face. _And we all know who's coming in now, don't we..._

"Oh Amaterasu no." Mystic stared at Sakuya in horror, knowing what was coming next.

Desi finally abandoned her comfortable sitting position to hide behind her sister, using said person as a meat shield in case worst came to worst.

Senom then proceeded to spin around her sister and reverse the position, causing the other girl to have an almost panicked expression.

"What is this?" Sakuya muttered in confusion. "Has something... stolen its way into my robe...?" She let out an unwilling giggle- apparently whatever was in there was tickling her. She continued to giggle until finally, she burst out laughing- and a certain small, glowing green "bug" jumped out of her chest and onto the ground.

Mystic backed away as far as she could and ended up tripping backwards over a rock.

"Phew!" Sakuya sighed in relief, then cast a quizzical gaze at the ground. "What on earth? ...You again?" she asked, voice turning slightly irritable as she noticed exactly what was standing there. Or rather, who.

Apparently, he wasn't standing and was just too short to really be able to notice this, because the glowing green speck rolled over a few times, got up, and starting hopping around indignantly. "Are you nuts?!" the speck who was Issun shouted. "Boy, for a little thing, you sure make a big fuss!"

Mikey had an expression of deep amusement on her face.

Desi, on the other hand, was trying to get behind her sister again.

"You _owe _me for this." Senom hissed, finally allowing herself to be a meat shield.

Bacon, in the meantime, had crouched down, staring oddly at the tiny, talking speck that seemed to be wearing a beetleshell helmet of some kind, complete with the antennae.

"Uh..." was all he could say, as he tilted his head and continued to stare quizzically.

"I was just trying to make the conversation a little bit more interesting, is all!" Issun continued with a self-important air.

Desi refrained from yelling out, _well, you failed!_After all, five authors suddenly tasked with saving the world seemed pretty chaotic enough.

"Wait, what?" Mikey interrupted suddenly, effectively breaking the chain of Issun reacting the same way he had in the beginning of the actual game of Okami. "That wasn't interesting... that was _disturbing..._" Nevertheless, she sounded vaguely amused.

Mystic pushed herself off the ground and stared at Issun. "...Holy crap you're small."

"No one asked you!" Issun exclaimed angrily, finally turning to face the rest of the group, aura beginning to glow red.

...Though this ended quickly when he noticed that the vast majority of the group was female.

"...This has to be some kind of bad dream..." Bacon muttered, putting a hand to his head. "I'm not really seeing all this...I'm at home, in my nice soft bed, sleeping like a baby. Yeah, that has to be it...right?"

Mikey leaned over and pinched Bacon. At the same time that Mystic did.

"OW! What the fu-!"

"Language," Mikey said monotonously, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like her GLaDOS impression. "Also, there is a 98 percent chance that you are not experiencing the human function known as Rapid Eye Movement, or in layman's terms, dreaming."

"Mikey. Your name is not Fi, and is also not GLaDOS." Senom eyetwitched. "Do NOT say the words 'your battery is low' or so help me I'm ditching the group faster than I planned to."

"Yes, Master," Mikey said robotically.

"... Where's the nearest cliff."

Desi hugged her sister tightly. "DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE, SIS. I NEED YOUUUU."

"Okay, okay!" Senom facepalmed. "Let gooo!"

Mystic facepalmed. "Guys. Guys we need to get back on track."

"...I don't think we were on track to begin with, people," Bacon muttered unamusedly.

Issun, meanwhile, seemed to have gone into a strange dream-like state temporarily. However, he seemed to have gotten his act together and bounced forward eagerly, right past Bacon. "Wellllllll, I've never seen any of you before! You don't look familiar... you ladies new around here?"

Bacon briefly considered stopping the poncle, considering the bug-man's well-known perverted nature, but decided, just for the heck of it, to let him pass and see where things went.

"You could say that," Mystic muttered.

Mikey snorted as she realized Issun was completely ignoring Bacon before remembering that they weren't supposed to know anyone. At least, she was pretty sure they weren't supposed to. "Aaaaaaand you are..."

"Me? _I_ am the great wandering artist, Issun!" Issun declared importantly, going over to hop in front of Mikey. Mikey watched him bounce with eyebrows raised, mostly with an _orly?_type expression.

"You're an artist?" Mystic asked him.

"Of course!" Issun replied smugly, going over to bounce in front of Mystic at once.

"Can I see your drawings?" Mystic asked.

"Weeeeeelll..." Issun trailed, with an obvious hint of swagger, "...since you asked..." He pulled out a scroll- it was very questionable how he fit a scroll of that size in wherever he carried his things- and tossed it up at Mystic. "Have a look!"

Mystic grabbed the scroll and opened it. As she expected, it was the stolen drawing of Sakuya. "I gotta admit, this is pretty good."

"Right? Right?" Issun bragged, hopping even more eagerly than before. He was clearly pleased with the reaction he had gotten. "It's cuter than the real thing, isn't it?"

Senom's eye was twitching even more and she just pushed her glasses up slightly, keeping her hand up to look preoccupied with thought.

Desi had walked a few feet away, back to the root, and mentally hummed Issun's theme, seeing as she didn't want to embarrass herself by trying and failing in front of the group.

"I wouldn't say cuter, but it is realistic..." Mystic replied, closing the scroll and handing it back to Issun. Somehow.

_Everything but her chest size,_Mikey thought, with a bit of an eye-rolling. She then realized that if this were a normal Okami self-insert, Ammy would have eaten Issun by now. A smirk spread across her face as she thought this.

Issun took the scroll back- if this were a normal playthrough, he would probably have had hearts emanating from him by now. "So! What's your name, huh?" he asked eagerly.

"Where I come from, I'm known as Mystic." Mystic replied simply.

"Hmm... Mystic, huh?" Issun repeated. "Sounds... mysterious!"

Mikey tried very hard not to laugh, though she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at Mystic.

Mystic resisted the urge to facepalm.

In the background, Senom was seriously considering intervening, because as tyrannical of she was, she had _some _form of overprotectiveness somewhere buried in her genetics.

Unlike her sister, it seemed, who was doing everything in her power to block out the ongoing events.

Mikey, on the other hand, was sending a very pointed look to Mystic from behind Issun, clearly reading something along the lines of _'I KNOW that YOU know he's flirting with you so WHAT ARE YOU DOING'._  
_  
_Mystic gave her a look of _'I DON'T FREAKING CARE LET ME DO WHAT I WANT.'_

Bacon eventually decided that enough was enough, and stepped forward, saying "Ok, people, can I say something? Just WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?! Is ANYONE the LEAST bit concerned right now that we're actually HERE, in NIPPON, our OC's have turned against us, and apparently the wolf goddess _herself_wants us to save the freaking WORLD? By OURSELVES?"

"You really think _we_know what's going on?" Desi pointed out, tilting her head slightly. Her sister nodded in agreement.

"Have any of the five of us really looked like the other side of the equation _told _us anything before this started?" Senom took her hands out of her pockets and stood up.

"I accept situations as they come." Mikey shrugged and rolled her eyes. _Anything to be away from 'home', anyway. _"Besides, you could almost say I've been... _waiting_for something like this to happen."

"I'm just trying to handle it without panicking..." Mystic's shoulders slumped.

"I'm really excited about this!" Desi chirped. A second later, her expression fell. "That is, I will be until we run into danger or I get hurt. Then I'll be terrified of this all!" Yet she said the last sentence with as much cheer as the first.

Bacon pinched his nose between his fingers, obviously trying to ward off some form of impending headache before opening his mouth for a retort...

And then suddenly GIANT ROAR OF DOOM.

Mikey let out a yell and fell over again in alarm. "Holy- That was LOUD!"

"Hey guys," Senom noted dryly, "Listen out for giant demons off in the distance."

Bacon jumped violently at the sound, shielding his head as though it were in mortal danger.

Mystic let out a short shriek and covered her ears on impulse.

Desi flailed pathetically.

"Yo, Sakuya-lady!" Bacon shouted, recovering first. "Just what the hell was THAT?"

Issun had just about the same reaction. "W-W-What was that?!" he sputtered, leaping onto the nearest person's shoulder in alarm - namely, Mystic's. Mystic, in the meantime, was too surprised by the roar to even look at Issun.

"Messengers of Mother Amaterasu..." Sakuya began seriously. "I have used all of my power until this point to keep Kamiki Village safe. But Amaterasu has graciously granted me with some extra power... I am to use it to bestow her final gifts upon you all."

Desi suddenly looked up at Sakuya with an excited expression. "Gifts?"

This caused Mystic to look up abruptly. "Wut?"

Sakuya lifted what looked like a glowing, magical ball of pure light from within her hands- a completely pure white, radiant orb that seemed to give everyone peace of mind just by looking at it. It floated gently into the air above them, and when it had reached a certain point, it broke apart, drifting small shards of light down on the group of authors.

"...Huh?" Issun's voice was confused. "That was really weird... what do you think ha- _whoa!_" The next moment he had fallen off of Mystic's shoulder and proceeded to hop around rapidly in his shock. He seemed to be looking around at the group, though it was hard to tell because he was so small.

"...Wait, was that it?" Mikey asked in confusion, barely glancing at Issun. "That was the-" Mikey froze the next second when she felt something behind her brush the small of her back. "...Wait a minute."

"I don't get it..." Bacon muttered, watching the shards land on his shoulders, completely oblivious to what they were doing to him.

Desi stared at Sakuya in confusion. "What'd you do?"

"Guys." Mikey's voice was strangely controlled. "Guys. Calm down, but reach up and touch your head. Just do it, don't ask questions."

Mystic had apparently already figured out what had happened, as she was now turning in circles in an attempt to see her tail.

Senom looked like she was both trying to hold back laughter and tears at the same time. "What. The. Hell."

Desi grinned broadly and began to wag her tail. "This is amazing!" She declared, poking at one of her wolf ears. It twitched instinctively, causing the girl to laugh.

Bacon, still unaware of the situation, finally noticed the changes that had taken place in the others. "Wait...what the...?" Slowly, CAREFULLY, he put a hand up to his head, and like everyone else, he felt wolf ears poking out of his hair. "Oh...my...Lord..." he breathed.

"Quick, someone scratch someone else behind the ears," Mikey commanded, an elated grin spreading across her face. "I'm just glad my headphones are still comfortable... they might not work as well as they normally do, though..." She poked one ear, her tail wagging happily.

Mystic did a happy dance. "AWWWWW YEEEEEAAAAAH. I'VE GOT A _TAIL_, BABY!"

Desi followed Mikey's orders and turned to her sister, then promptly scratched behind her ears, still grinning from ear to ear.

Senom spazzed and pushed her sister away. "HOLY CRAP QUIT IT, THIS FEELS WEIRD AAAAAH EXTRA APPENDAGES."

Mystic, in her excitement, quickly tried out her tail to see if it had ink, waving it around in a circle.  
Of course, she promptly (and accidentally) covered Mikey and Bacon in ink.

"AW, WHAT?!" Bacon shouted, flailing about as the ink on him went flying everywhere.

"GAH!" Mikey flipped out at once, letting out a yell as her vision suddenly went dark. She rubbed the ink out of her eyes and continued to rub it off of everywhere she could reach. "Gee whiz, Mystic," she grumbled, her tail falling flat, though she did look slightly amused. Thankfully, this was Nippon, and ink came off very easily, not to mention it just seemed to slide off automatically.

"Sorry! My fault!" Mystic called out apologetically, one hand behind her head as she gave a sheepish grin.

After getting the ink off, Bacon examined himself more closely, muttering "This...this is...pretty trippy..." to himself, turning around and around to try and catch a glimpse of the tail he had gotten as well, before getting smart about it and grabbing it with his hand.

"You THINK?" Senom was still having a panic attack. She then proceeded to slide down into a sitting position, face buried in hands and muttering "hauuuuuu" in a manner suspiciously similar to Hanyuu.

Desi, deciding to be an idiot, was running around in circles, trying to catch her tail. Only a few seconds in, and she fell over from dizziness.

Bacon snorted and laughed at the silly display, his newly acquired tail whipping about and clearly displaying his amusement, seemingly with a mind of its own.

"H-Holy smokes!" Issun sputtered, as he finally got used to seeing the party with ears and tails. "That's what that glowing light did?"

Mystic, being the silly child she was, covered Issun in ink for the heck of it.

"AAAH! What the-!" Issun let out a yell upon being covered in ink. "What happened?! Who turned out the lights?!" He angrily rubbed the ink off of himself.

"Sorry, couldn't help it," Mystic giggled.

Issun grumbled something, but decided not to complain any further due to the fact that he was under the impression that he had successfully flirted with Mystic.

Sakuya had watched the reactions of the authors with slight amusement, and now decided to speak up. "Is Amaterasu's gift to your liking?" she queried, as the party continued to get used to their ears and tails.

"I like it!" Mystic declared happily.

"It's...different, I guess," Bacon replied, still looking himself over.

Desi looked up from idly poking her ears to get them to flinch. "Huh? Oh, yeah! Awesome gift!"

"This is amazing," Mikey declared, folding her arms and nodding at once, tail wagging once again. "Thank you!"

"Hmm... I think I could get used to four babes with wolf ears..." Issun mused.

Senom parted her fingers slightly and glanced up from behind her hands. "I'm sorry, but... is this mandatory?" She asked hesitantly.

Sakuya gave her a surprised look. "Do you not want the gift?" she asked, evidently surprised that anyone could not want the gift of a goddess, even if it meant extra appendages.

The youngest member of the party just flushed and buried her face in her hands again.

"The tail is meant to hold the brush powers of the gods," Sakuya explained. "I'm sure you will understand this in time. If you are uncomfortable with the tail, however, there is an alternative."

The self-proclaimed Crystal Songstress glanced up again. "Really?"

"Yes." Sakuya nodded at Senom. "Amaterasu predicted that at least one of you would not like the gift. She offered the alternative of a simple brush. Is this to your liking?"

Senom breathed out a sigh of relief. "Yes, please, thank you..."

Mikey raised an eyebrow. "I'm not really sure how you don't want this, but each to their own, I guess."

"Shut up, I'm the youngest and I'm entitled to social awkwardness."

Senom's wolf ears and tail suddenly dissolved in the same kind of light that had previously rained down on the group, and flew forward to hover gently in front of her as it formed a certain shape: the shape of a brush. The light faded softly, until finally it was a simple brush hovering in front of her face, its tip dipped in black, and the handle a plain beige with a pink cherry blossom painted on it. She took the brush with both hands and nodded a quick thanks, face still bright red.

"So..." Mikey trailed. "What now?"

"Now, I must ask of you a favor," Sakuya said solemnly. "Do you see the fruit hanging from my tree? The village is encased within it."

If one glanced up, one could see a large pink fruit hanging from Konohana. It looked remarkably like some kind of giant peach.

"Huh...tiny village," Bacon chuckled jokingly, though no one around him laughed...especially Sakuya.

"It has a population of one," Mikey said dramatically.

"Or maybe all the inhabitants are poncles. Then it could maybe be ten." Desi offered.

"If you cut it down, the village will be reborn," Sakuya explained, apparently either not hearing them or deciding to just continue with her explanation, barring what the group said. "Only the powers that Amaterasu has bestowed upon you can help you fulfill this task."

"Really? We can't just climb up there and...I dunno...kick the thing down or whatever?" Bacon suggested.

Behind him, Senom facepalmed.

Sakuya looked alarmed at the very thought. "Certainly not!" she replied, sounding rather unnerved. "This is a very delicate matter, I'm afraid. A wrong move could cost the village greatly."

"Wait, I know!" Desi jumped into the middle of the group, grinning broadly. "Let's make a human pyramid!"

This time, it was Bacon's turn to facepalm. Along with everyone else.

"...Desi," Mikey said irritably. "I... may have wanted to be a cheerleader at some point, but I was eight years old and I'm not reliving that experience. The answer is no. Sorry, maybe that idea would work with someone else, but no- dang it!" Mikey reached over to a rubber band on her wrist and snapped it.

"Yeeeaaaahhh...I think we're all gonna say no on that one..." Bacon muttered.

The look on Senom's face was even less accepting. "We're _not_related anymore."

Desi acquired a heartbroken look and went to go angst by her tree root again. If this were Okamiden, she would've had a rain cloud above her head, but alas, it was not, so she just pretended.

Unfortunately for a certain headphones-wearing author's reputation as a merciless troll, Mikey felt bad enough to walk over and pat Desi's shoulder, effectively proving that yes, she had a conscience.

"What's the matter, babe?" Issun asked, bouncing over to Desi. "What're- actually, what are both of you doing over here?"

Mikey gave him a 'not right now bro' look.

Issun for some reason took this as 'jump on my shoulder' and leapt up onto Mikey's shoulder.

Mikey suppressed the urge to facepalm.

Bacon, in the meantime, was rubbing his forehead as he slowly processed all that had happened. "Look..." he began. "I don't know why all our OC's just turned against us like this, and I have no idea why we were all brought here...but obviously, we've got some kinda job to do that the big wolf herself wants done. I have no clue about what else we can do, so I say we get our collective rears in gear and see what we can do about this apparent mess for now," he said determinedly, his tail whipping about energetically at his words before he finally clamped a hand down on it.

"Sounds like a plan," Mikey approved, with a nod and a casual smirk. "This is why you're the leader, see?"

"Aw, what?" Issun complained. "Why does he get to be leader? I'm the real man around here!"

Mikey's smirk twitched slightly, as if she were already starting to find Issun's antics foolish-yet-amusing like they always were. Though admittedly, it was even moreso currently, due to the fact that he was actually standing on her shoulder and not just on Ammy's head in a TV screen.

Mystic facepalmed. Again.

Desi, apparently already done with her angsting, jumped up, wagging her tail excitedly.

Yes, one short pep talk is all it takes for her.

Senom pulled her thumbs and forefingers into a triangle, then expanded it and then disbanded it. "Sir, yes, sir." She saluted sarcastically.

"And into the shiny portal we go!" Mystic declared, leaping epically into said portal.

The Crystal Songstress got up, dusted her jeans off, and followed, albeit slightly less enthusiastic about it and choosing just to march in behind her. "You guys feel free to catch up when you're done..." She trailed off, then ran through.

Desi, doing the exact opposite of her (former...?) sister, practically dove for the portal, shouting, "FOR NARNIAAAA~!" all the while.

"And so it begins..." Mikey said solemnly, clearly only acting epic for the sake of looking epic as she gazed theatrically at the fruit.

"Let's get this show on the road!" Issun declared. A look that said something along the lines of 'I get the feeling you're going to cramp my style in journeys to come' crossed Mikey's face briefly, but otherwise, it was calm as she purposefully and cinematically strode through the portal.

Bacon took one last look at his tail, and a tight-lipped look crossed over his face. "Well, no progress without risks..." he said to himself, before shoving his hands in his pockets and calmly striding through the glowing portal at the base of the tree.

After this had occurred, only the pink-robed tree sprite remained. She gazed quietly at the portal that the five authors had just disappeared through. "Good luck..." Sakuya said softly, before finally disappearing from the area.

The journey had begun. The world was to be saved. And five authors were in for one heck of a ride...

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}


	3. How to Okami Author Insert

**Okay, we can explain...**

**...**

**Actually, no, we can't... *shot***

**Long story short, Senom has been grounded for the weekdays, I don't have internet access every other weekend, and huge amounts of work in four days every month makes the whole group very lazy authors. Two month wait, 6k words. You all are lucky we decided to end the chapter off where we did. We were originally going to go waaaay longer.**

* * *

Chapter 2- How to Okami Author-Insert

"Whoa...uh, guys? I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...or the same dimension for that matter," Bacon muttered.

Mystic lightly smacked him. "That line got old ages ago."

"I live in Washington." Desi pointed out. "...I don't think I've even been to Kansas."

"Sis, none of us here live in the same state except Mystic and Mikey." Senom smacked her forehead.

Mikey just sighed, trying to prevent the side of her mouth from twitching.

"...so are we going or not?" Mystic asked.

"Depends on what our little bug guide has to say," Bacon snarked with an amused grin as the poncle began fuming.

"I'm not a bug!" the aforementioned poncle shouted angrily. "And don't look at me! I've never seen any place like this in the village before!"

"Calm yourself, Issun," Mikey said casually, as she walked past. Issun just trailed off into grumbling, which eventually faded into an irritated silence.

"Let's go anyways!" Mystic declared, skipping ahead.

Desi followed along, still poking her ears all the while. Her sister was right behind her, hands shoved in pockets.

"...I'm pretty sure there was supposed to be an Origin Mirror there..." Mystic mumbled to herself as she walked past.

Senom paused and stared at the empty air.

"Mystic? You're right. I'm almost completely certain there was one and now it's emptiness."

Mikey's footsteps slowed and finally stopped as she took in this conversation. She frowned contemplatively, though her eyes widened slightly a moment later. They didn't...? That has a really horrible sense of foreboding to it.

"...you think the OCs took it out?" Mystic asked in horror.

"I don't even know WHAT they're capable of anymore...if they somehow found a way out of all their stories, then I wouldn't put it past them to take the mirrors away to give us even MORE of a disadvantage," Bacon surmised. "No free retries...oh, this is gonna be fun."

"I wouldn't put it past them to make a few alterations." Senom muttered, crossing her arms. "They probably think this makes it 'fair', I'll bet."

It took Desi a few seconds to realize what that meant. "So... if we game over..." Her voice trailed off.

Mystic swallowed. "No coming back."

"Fan-freaking-tastic..." Bacon mumbled, crossing his arms and staring down at the ground in thought.

"What are you guys talking about?" Issun asked quizzically.

"Nothing. Nothing you need to be concerned about, anyway," Mikey replied, in a somewhat flat tone. These OCs will be the death of me, I swear. ...Literally.

Issun shrugged, but as the group crossed the bridge he found something to be cheerful about. "Ha! Look at all those pots!" he declared.

"Aaaaand... point?" Mikey frowned.

Issun scoffed. "What? Don't you guys know that there's usually all sorts of good stuff in pots?" he asked smugly.

"...so does that mean we're Link, now?" Mystic raised an eyebrow.

"Better question, does that suddenly give us permission to freely break, enter, and destroy people's pottery?" Senom was apparently finding light in the situation too.

"...I think so," Mystic replied.

Mikey pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, it doesn't. I'm pretty sure people actually, y'know, know we exist. It's not like people around here are NPCs who don't care what we do. ...I mean, they are, but..." She sighed. "You know what I'm saying."

"Aw." Mystic drooped. Senom did the same.

"But... I like destroying people's valuable and yet useless pottery..."

"That's...kind of a bad thing to like, I would think..." Bacon said slowly.

The only reply he got was the teenager sticking her tongue out.

Mikey shrugged. "Yeah, it is, but in video games it's only bad in Wind Waker when that guy on Windfall Island makes you pay for breaking his sparkly shiny pots..."

"May I remind you, this is technically real life?" Desi pointed out. "At least, I think so..."

"I know. I'm just offering an explanation for Senom's antics." Mikey stuck her tongue out.

Bacon was suddenly reminded of the popular internet video, but kept his mouth shut, choosing instead to say, "Well this IS real life as far as I can tell...so I don't think I need to remind you guys to watch what you touch, ok?"

Mikey gave Bacon a 'you're not my mom' look.

Bacon gave her an 'I don't care, I'm still the oldest one here' look.

"Seriously, what are you guys talking about...?" Issun asked blankly.

"Aaah, I'll tell you later. Too much to explain now. It's stuff to do with where we come from." Mikey waved a hand.

Senom suddenly got a spark in her eye. "Guys? I've got a theory."

"Oooooooooooh no." Was Mystic's immediate response.

Obviously, the songstress wasn't being deterred. "Okay, who here knows about my Parallel theory?"

Desi groaned. "Sis, do NOT bring that up. You made my brain explode the first time you explained it, and that was just connecting ALBN with OACA."

"Okay, so like, there's some talk about infinite different possibilities for outcomes, right?" The girl started becoming a motormouth to the point where it was actually comedic that no one could understand what she was saying. "And there might be different worlds for all of those outcomes-Parallels-and what I think-" Cue gasp for breath, "-is that all that this is really is that the OCs made a separate Parallel, altered it, and now we only have one world with one possibility chain and there aren't other Parallels for other chances so if it's game over it's game over AND-"

"WE GET IT." Mystic double facepalmed.

Issun looked like he had no idea what was going on and seemed to be half-wondering why he was here.

"...you lost me," Bacon spoke up. "How can a teen lose a college student in a chain of logic?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Senom grinned broadly. "... I have a lot of free bored time to make this sort of crap up, that's all."

Desi, noticing Mystic's action, suddenly began rapping, "I'd like a double facepalm and hold the lettuce- wait, that didn't make any sense..."

"...Wait..." Mikey said slowly. "So... what you're saying, Senom... is that everything we do has already been decided for us? Like... everything that happens here is fate? Like, even what I'm saying right now, this was planned?"

The teenager blinked. "Well, that wasn't really what I meant, but I actually wouldn't put it past the OC's to... write... the..." She groaned. "... I'm not going to finish that sentence."

"...Death scenes?" Mikey asked, unable to help herself despite feeling slightly nauseous at the thought.

"... The word I was looking for was 'author-insert', but that works too."

"Oh, well then. Y'know, I wouldn't put it past them to write death scenes either, that's why I'm saying it." Mikey grimaced.

Desi instantly clung to the nearest person's arm, which happened to be poor Mikey. "Dude, I wrote a death scene in OACA! I just know Celia's going to pay me back for that!-! I'M GOING TO BE KILLED!"

"If the circle of karma works like I think it does, my shoulder's going to be sliced open, I'm going to hallucinate a lot, and I'll get stabbed through the stomach by a giant demonic spear." Senom wasn't helping.

"That's oddly close to what might happen to me, considering what I've put Alex through...in addition to a busted leg..." Bacon replied, wincing as he imagined what Crimson Helm's glaive would feel like slicing into his gut.

"COPYCAT, I WAS THE FIRST OCI WRITER ON THE ARCHIVE AS FAR AS WE KNOW." Senom flailed.

Mikey pinched the bridge of her nose again. Great, why'd I bring this up... I didn't want to make anyone freak out... "By that logic, I'll get deathly ill and get stabbed through the chest while I'm ill," she said plainly. "I'm honestly not worried. I don't think karma works like that, so I don't think anyone's going to die."

"I'd be hit with Waka's knives several times, get a large cut down my arm, uh... what else did I do to Siv...?" Mystic thought for a moment.

Mikey made a cutthroat motion to Mystic, her eyes wide as she glanced at Issun, clearly telling Mystic to NOT continue.

...oh, whoops. Mystic mentally facepalmed as she realized she had just spouted out Waka's name.

"Who now?" Issun asked curiously.

"Uhhh..." Desi deadpanned. "...Someone else handle this."

Senom cut between them by just walking ahead of the others. "HEY GUYS LET'S GO, we sorta need plot progression up in here."

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Mikey said plainly, and followed Senom off.

Mystic quickly followed, then stopped and stared at the giant cliff in front of them. "...okay how the otter are we going to get up this thing?"

Desi instantly jumped in front of the group. "HUMAN PYRAMID~"

"No. N. O." Bacon stated firmly, making an 'I'm having nothing to do with this' motion with his hands.

Senom muttered something under her breath about 'my unofficial relatives scare me I swear'.

"Nope." Mystic crossed her arms.

"All aboard the nope train of face-that-ville," Mikey said plainly, folding her arms. "...Facebook-that-ville," she added as an afterthought, followed by a clearly amazed "...Pluck-that-ville."

"Well, it doesn't actually seem that high..." Bacon mused. "I might be able to boost one of you up on my shoulders and have you pull the rest of us up. Which one of you weighs the lightest?"

Mystic raised her hand. "...I weigh 120."

"I weigh..." Desi paused. "...Actually, I have no freaking clue, but it's probably somewhere around her weight."

"Same as Mystic." Senom shrugged, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"...About 123. Or 122.8 or whatever, something like that." Mikey shrugged and rolled her eyes

"Well then, I guess it's whoever's most comfortable being lifted by a guy around ten years older than you all...who you pretty much just met in real life..." Bacon concluded, sounding rather uncomfortable himself.

"Oh-ho-ho PLUCK no." Mikey took several steps backward, holding up her hands. "I mean, eh heh, nothing against you, Bacon, I just... I'm... ...I'm afraid of heights." She made a face.

The youngest member of the group blanched. "I'd rather try my hand at rock-climbing, sorry. Bad experiences on the matter with my brother, like Mikey said, nothing personal..."

Desi took a step forward with a small shrug. "I'm alright with it."

"...welp, let's do this." Mystic stated, walking forward to stand next to Bacon.

"Alright, Mystic first, then Desi, I guess. The two of you should be able to pull up the rest of us."

Mystic nodded, while the other girl suddenly looked like she no longer liked the plan.

Nodding, Bacon got down on a knee and put his hands together for her to step into. "Ok, up you go!"

Mystic carefully place one foot on it and quickly scrabbled for a handhold on the wall, wobbling slightly as Bacon lifted her up. "Now I wish I had taken those rock-climbing lessons," She muttered as she grabbed a small ledge and slowly pulled herself up the rock face. After a minute or two, she heaved herself over the ledge, and lay there on the grass, panting.

Desi stared at the out-of-breath Mystic with an uncertain look. "...On second thought, do I have to go next?"

"Yes," Mystic called.

"C'mon, Desi, we all gotta pull our weight if we're gonna get through this...even the little bug, right Issun?" Bacon said with another amused smirk.

Mystic snickered from the top of the cliff.

"I'm not a-" Issun began heatedly.

"Excuse Bacon, he likes his little joke." Mikey waved a hand. "Though you must admit you're small."

"But I'm not a BUG!" Issun exclaimed.

"Of course you're not." Mystic told him.

Desi just sighed. "Oh fine. Let's do this."

Senom waved an imaginary flag. "Go, sis, go."

Rubbing his hands together, Bacon repeated the motion and quickly hoisted Desi up as well.

Desi struggled to get up the cliff ledge, but managed to do it slightly faster than Mystic. "I'm surprised... I was able to do that... considering the last time I've climbed anything was about a year ago." She muttered.

Senom coughed. "Sooo who wants to go next?"

"ONE, TWO, THREE, NOT IT." Desi called. "...Oh, wait..."

Mystic facepalmed. "That is just plain sad..."

"Senom, then..." Bacon suggested, clearly wanting to get a move on with this arduous process.

"WHAT?!"

By this point in time it was becoming clear that the Crystal Songstress was in no way amused by anything being thrown her way today.

"I'm not doing it," Mikey stated, frowning. "Your move, Senom."

She grumbled something under her breath and pulled at her jacket sleeves, knotted around her waist. "Yeah, sure, whatever." She slowly (and with a great deal of cursing) began dragging herself up the cliff face, letting out shrieks every time she lost her balance.

"Oh sweet Ammy never again." She whispered, crawling onto the grass and hugging on her sister.

"I could've just lifted you up there, you know!" Bacon yelled up from below. "I'm not a creep, honest!"

"Nope, nope, nope!" She flapped a hand over the edge and then quickly pulled it back to death-hugging Desi.

"SIS. NEED AIR TO BREATHE." Desi spazzed.

Senom only sobbed in reply, but let go anyway.

The sobbing was fake, by the way.

"Alright, Mike. You want a boost, or you fine with climbing?" Bacon asked the last teen there.

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Mikey gulped, all of her trollish confidence suddenly gone. "Um... I... well... can't you just... leave me here?" She looked hopeful.

"...no. We gotta stick together, ok?" Bacon said slowly.

"Well, Bacon actually sounds like a leader for once," Mystic mused.

Mikey rubbed the back of her neck. "Ah... yeah... alright... I guess I could use a lift..."

"Alright, then come on. I won't drop you if that's what you're worried about."

The headphones-wearing authoress slowly walked toward Bacon, then looked very awkwardly at him, and then at the cliff, and then at her feet.

"What's the matter?" Issun already seemed to be standing on top of the cliff- apparently he had bounced up when no one was paying attention. "It's just a little cliff."

"You shut up," Mikey muttered.

Mystic stared at Issun. "Friggin mountain goat, I swear," She mumbled, looking back down to face Mikey.

Issun blinked. "Wait... what?"

"Nothing." Mystic waved a hand dismissively.

"We'll do it on three, that sound good?" Bacon said encouragingly.

"...'kay..." Mikey muttered.

"One...two...three!" Bacon counted, hoisting Mikey up and bringing her near the others so they could pull her the rest of the way up.

Mystic reached out and grabbed Mikey's hand, struggling to lift the other girl up.

It took Desi a few seconds to realize that she should probably help out.

Senom was still in her pathetic grass-loving state, wheezing like the Witch of the Waste.

Mikey gasped for breath as she scrabbled up onto the cliff, clutching onto the others for dear life. Finally she managed to flop down onto solid ground, panting slightly, though she half looked like she wanted to start laughing. "I... made it..." she panted.

"Alright!" Bacon cheered, clapping his hands once in typical tough-guy fashion. "Good hustle team! Now help me up!" he yelled, waving his arms in the air.

"Can do..." Mikey mumbled, though she rather shakily got to her feet and took a breath before leaning down to reach out for Bacon. She still looked like she wanted to laugh, though that was possibly out of amazement and relief that she'd made it up alive.

"Dafuq..." Mystic muttered, before leaning over and reaching out once again.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA," Senom rolled over and glared at him from above, "I take no part in this."

"I AM DEAD TO THE WORLD." Desi declared as she laid on the ground dangerously close to the edge of the cliff.

"Some help you guys are," Mikey growled, with a slightly good natured laugh, though she did shoot them an evil glare.

"Oh, come on, you guys are already tired?" Issun complained. "Get up! We've still gotta drag Mr. Leader up here..." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

Senom burst out laughing, the need for trolling giving her renewed energy somehow. "You aren't doing jack sheeeeee-"

She shut her mouth.

Issun stared at her.

"Guys...GUYS...LITTLE HELP HERE?" Bacon yelled desperately from his position, hanging by the arms in the grips of Mikey and Mystic.

"Well, you've only got two arms..." Desi trailed. "Therefore, even if Senom and I wanted to help, we wouldn't be able to."

"Desi if I could I would smack you right now," Mystic got out through gritted teeth as she struggled to pull Bacon up.

"Duly noted. ...And this is now ALBN, apparently."

Senom cracked an eye open. "Oh really?"

"How many times was the phrase 'duly noted' said in that fic? ...Or maybe I just read it once and it stuck somehow." Desi gave a small shrug and went back to trying to fall asleep on the grass.

...And now she's Celia.

"Ooooh. Silly me." Senom let out a groan and dragged herself up on her hands and knees, then attempted to support the other two in pulling Bacon up.

Finally getting one of his legs over the edge, Bacon managed to heave himself the rest of the way up, causing everyone to suddenly fall over in a tumbling mess of arms and legs.

"...Ow," he muttered, letting off a wheezing cough.

"...YOU'RE ALL. FREAKING. ELEPHANTS." Mystic yelled from the bottom of the pile.

"One, I'm really glad I chose not to help." Desi sat up and stared at the dogpile. "Two, HIGHFIVE ME, BRO!" She held out her hand to Mystic with a huge smile on her face.

Mystic stuck out a hand from the pile of limbs, the only thing she was really able to do.

Mikey scrambled out from beneath the pile and finally collapsed on the grass. "...I'm not looking forward to jumping that cliff when we come back," she muttered.

"Nope," Mystic declared as she rolled out from underneath everyone else. And then continued rolling down the path out of sheer laziness.

"Hey! Where you going? Yo, Mystic! MYSTIC!" Bacon yelled with increasing desperation as he jumped up and ran after the rolling teen.

Senom clapped a hand over her mouth and snickered. There was a pun in mind that involved a certain VOCALOID song, and said pun was not going to go well.

Mystic was giggling hysterically, not really watching where she was going (not that she could actually SEE where she was going) and almost fell into the hole in the bridge. "OH HOLY-"

Senom grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her back up. "GUYS I MAY BE A PERCUSSIONIST BUT I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HOLD CRASH CYMBALS. THIS IS WORSE THAN CRASH CYMBALS."

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A CYMBAL?!" Mystic yelled in outrage.

"YES!"

Desi sat down, both hands over her face. "Thiiis is going to take longer than I thought."

"YOU... YOU..." Mystic tried to think of an instrument. "...YOU CELLO!"

Senom almost dropped her. "... WHAT!?"

"YOU HEARD ME, CELLO."

"SHUT THE HELL UP CYMBAL."

"NO WAY, CELLO."

Mikey scrambled to her feet as quickly as she could as soon as she realized what was going on, but Bacon beat her to it.

"Do I have to do everything myself?!" Bacon yelled from the back, darting forward and grabbing hold of the two teens.

"...Well, you are the leader," Issun pointed out, with some sarcasm thrown in. No, forget some- a lot of sarcasm.

Desi tried to hold back a laugh. "He makes a point. That's one of the leader's jobs, right?"

"NOT HELPING, YOU DIMWITS."

"HEY! Who's the dimwit here?!" Issun exclaimed angrily.

Mikey chose not to answer that question and instead ran over to help Bacon drag the other two back into the safe zone.

Senom was still spouting phrases that had nothing to do with the topic involving the word 'cymbal' at Mystic.

Mystic stood up, brushed herself off, and sent a heated glare at Senom before scooting over to Mikey, arms crossed.

Desi, feeling that she had to help her sister out somehow, nonchalantly slid over to Senom, who was glaring pointedly away from Mystic and fuming still, to back her up.

Bending over with his hands on his knees, Bacon wheezed out a few colorful words (that shall not be repeated) and tried to catch his breath, already feeling like taking a break after his recent exertions.

"...This isn't going very well," Mikey deadpanned, feeling rather out of breath already- her stamina wasn't exactly the best, and they'd done quite a lot (sort of, not really) thus far.

"No kidding," Mystic muttered.

"Can we all agree here that there will be no running?" Desi suggested meekly. "Except for stuff like going to the Moon Cave and Himi-" She suddenly shut up when she realized she was giving spoilers. "Well, yeah, you know what I mean."

"Wait, what?" Issun asked incredulously.

Mystic mumbled something about OSTs and 'Giving Kushinada a Ride'.

"Well, it seems the bridge is out," Mikey pointed out, very obviously, in an attempt to distract Issun. "I wonder what we should do about that."

Issun was still staring suspiciously at Desi.

"...Issun?" Mikey deadpanned. "Any ideas? You're the native here."

"Yes, enlighten us O Tiny One," Bacon snickered, in a cleverly disguised attempt to distract the poncle as well.

Predictably, this got Issun's attention, as he instantly turned to Bacon and glared at him instead. It was quite apparent at this point that the poncle was not very fond of Bacon. "...It's 'Bacon', right?" he asked irritably.

"Yeah. Don't wear it out."

Issun snickered. "How about a new name, then? Whaddya say, pork chop?"

Mikey clamped her hands over her mouth in a desperate attempt to not laugh.

Mystic's head shot up. "...and from now on I am calling you dude and boy. Okay. Okay." She grinned widely.

"I call dibs on calling him Squiddy!" Desi grinned broadly.

Senom went into a coughing fit for no apparent reason, possibly to avoid adding to this.

Bacon's eye visibly twitched, and anyone looking closely at him could very clearly see a vein sticking out of the surface of his temple. Clearly, he wasn't amused by the nickname...even if he did sort of deserve it. Fortunately, he managed to keep himself from darting forward and attempting to squish the annoying poncle like the bug he was.

"So, lemme ask you, pork chop," Issun continued smugly, clearly enjoying himself. "Have you got any ideas?"

"Just one...you better sleep with an eye open, buggy."

Senom started yanking on Bacon's arm in a desperate attempt to cut between this argument. Obviously, she'd switched gears. "All right, how long have we been in Nippon, again? Maybe twenty, thirty minutes and we already want to kill each other? That should be a sort of record."

"I believe you're forgetting Li very quickly," Mikey muttered.

"Mikey that's a good thing now don't bring her up again or we might get hit with a meteor."

"By who? Li, or does Joshua suddenly have a reason to kill us?" Mikey shrugged.

Senom muttered something under her breath. "Guys, I am about to jump off this broken bridge just to see if it works at this point. Maybe I'll spawn on the other side."

"You hear that, Issun?" Bacon pointed out. "The pretty lady wants to commit suicide now. You wanna do something to prevent that, maybe?"

Several coughs from Senom's end. "Pretty lady my a-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it, I've got an idea, unlike you, porky," Issun snapped. He pulled out... was it his sword or what? It was too small to tell, but he waved it around a couple of times- and voila, the bridge was suddenly back!

"...Magic." Mikey waved a hand mysteriously.

"It's Rejuvenation," Issun stated smugly. "One of the techniques of the brush gods. This one can fix stuff, like that bridge- and I've mastered it." He definitely looked (and sounded) as though he were half preening himself and half showing off.

Desi yawned boredly. "Can we just get going now?"

Senom was already skipping on ahead, ignoring Issun completely at this point. "Onwards to Candy Mountain, ladies and gentlemen! … Gentleman, Issun doesn't quite count. NOW LET'S GO, CHARLIE!"

Issun sputtered indignantly.

Mikey smacked her forehead, though she did look amused. Everyone seems to have forgotten that we kinda need him. ...ah, whatever. She walked across the bridge, beckoning for Issun to freaking follow already.

Bacon was staring off into space (literally, considering it was the Cave of Nagi) before suddenly coming back to his senses with a "Huh? What?" before setting off after the rest of the group.

Mystic skipped across the bridge because she could.

Desi went across while trying to do the shuffle. For whatever odd reason.

Mikey walked up to the rock that sat by the remnants of the River of the Heavens and squinted at it. "...Issun I can't read this," she said simply.

"You can't?" Issun sounded incredulous, bouncing over. "It says 'River of the Heavens' plain as day. ...wait, but that can't be right. I don't see anything that looks like a mythical stardust river anywhere..."

Mystic, who had tripped over a rock and fell face-first into the river water puddle thing, pushed herself up and irritably let out a stream of water from her mouth. "...found it."

"That can't be it either," Issun said dismissively. "That's just a little puddle."

Mikey had already seemingly lost interest in the rock and was heading up the hill. She suddenly stopped dead in the middle of climbing it and stared at her feet for a moment- and then suddenly, an expression of purest awesome came over her face.

Desi was suddenly standing behind Mikey trying to sing like a heavenly choir and epically failing.

Mikey flailed her arms in shock. "DESI. DESI NO. You're ruining my moment." She cleared her throat and began to dramatically walk up the hill while singing. "Oh somewhere deep inside of these bones~"

"What the heck are you guys doing." Mystic facepalmed.

Bacon hung back, making an 'I'm not getting involved in this' kind of face.

Desi slowly followed behind with a depressed expression on her face.

"An emptiness began to grow~" Mikey continued dramatically.

Mystic rolled her eyes and just went up the hill.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" Mikey shouted, flailing her arms and walking up the hill normally, but now looking rather gloomy.

Desi, taking advantage of the lack of music, began to sing loudly and obnoxiously, "WE'LL BE COMIN' ROUND THE HILL WHEN WE COOOOOOOME~"

"HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE WOLF CRY TO THE BLUE CORN MOON~" Mikey sang, trying to sing over Desi, but having trouble due to her head voice not being very prominent.

"HILLS OF RADIANT WIND!" Senom yelled with her arms raised up in a 'w00t' pose. No one heard.

"NO." Was Mystic's immediate response to Desi's singing. And Mikey's. "EVERYBODY SHUT UP.

"Yes, please..." Bacon muttered, slowly taking up the rear.

Issun looked as though he were at a loss for words, though this was quickly changed by him noticing the view from the hill. "Look at the stars!" he pointed out, bouncing up to see them more clearly.

"Twinkle twinkle little-" Desi began.

Bacon smacked her across the back of the head, though not too hard. It's rude to hit a girl too hard, after all. "No."

"...Oh look, a pattern in the stars," Issun pointed out loudly, cutting across them.

"Where?" Mikey peered up at the sky.

"There. See? It looks like there's a star missing, though."

Mikey tried not to RAEG at the fact that she couldn't see constellations and had never been able to see them very well. Ever.

"I'll fill in the missing star, then," Issun mused to himself, and finally whipped out his... sword? again and attempted to draw in the star. Nothing happened- and after a few moments, Issun sighed. "Bah, it's not working... guess I can't do that yet."

"...uh, isn't one of us supposed to do it or something?" Bacon whispered to the others, trying to keep Issun out of earshot of possible spoilers.

"Probably. You wanna try?" Mikey muttered, as Issun tried yet again, to no avail.

"Are you kidding? I'm still getting used to the fact that I have a freaking tail still!" he responded as loudly as he dared.

"One two three not it!" Desi declared loudly.

Issun turned around. "What? What's going on?"

Mystic sighed in resignation and put a dot in the sky.

Of course, it just turned into a shooting star and sped away.

Mystic threw her hands up.

"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes~"

Mikey smacked her forehead, and decided to try her hand at putting the star in the constellation, despite only having a vague idea of where it was supposed to go. Much to her surprise, it actually worked that time.

All of a sudden, everything looked rather like the surroundings of the points in the Okami where you received brush powers- considering this was one of those times, this wasn't too much of a surprise. And of course, now floating in front of them was Yomigami.

"HOLY-" Bacon blurted out, jumping away when he realized just how big the white dragon was in person.

"Who let King Midas loose?" Desi raised an eyebrow as she examined the surroundings.

"Who let King Midas loose?" Mystic said at the exact same time. She blinked and looked at Desi.

And then commenced a high five of epic proportions.

"...Hello? Guys? Giant dragon god?" Mikey muttered.

"Oh, cool," Mystic commented as she looked up at Yomigami with awe.

"Yeah, we noticed," Senom noted offhandedly, hands shoved in her pockets.

"Why if it isn't the messengers of Mother Amaterasu," Yomigami rumbled, staring down at the group imperiously (or maybe it just looked like it, given he was a giant dragon). "I am Yomigami, god of restoration. I have long awaited the day we should meet."

"DON'T EAT ME, I DON'T TASTE GO- wait, really?" Bacon asked, acting like nothing happened.

Mikey gulped. He was a giant dragon, after all.

Senom's reaction was more along the lines of the thought process involving oh my god Spirited Away feels why.

Desi was just grinning happily at the fact that apparently Yomigami was waiting for them. Yes, she did completely forget the OCs and death scenes and lack of origin mirrors and all that jazz.

Mystic was still staring at Yomigami.

"I know Mother Amaterasu must have briefed you on the scattering of the 13 brush gods and their techniques," Yomigami continued, acting (as usual) like he hadn't heard them, clearly intent on saying what he had to say and no one was going to get in the way of that dammit. "Thus, I grant you my power. With it, you shall gain the power to revive the River of the Heavens."

Senom snapped out of her fangirl haze and poked her sister, lowering her voice. "OCs thought of everything, huh?"

"Apparently," Desi whispered back.

Yomigami's form suddenly faded into a glowing ball of light- the brush power. It circled around the group a couple of times, seeming to almost be trying to decide who would be most compatible for the power, before it finally flew toward Mikey and disappeared into her in a flash of light.

The golden background suddenly faded, and they were back at the hill near the dried River of the Heavens.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say that eighty percent of this party, when not counting Issun because he already has it, has just been ripped off." Senom announced unceremoniously.

Mikey blinked. "...Wait. So, um... I got Rejuvenation?"

Mystic proceeded to strike a pose and sing the Zelda retrieval music thing. "Da da da daaaa~! You got Rejuvenation!"

Bacon smacked her on the shoulder to get her to stop with that annoying meme.

"Owwwww," Mystic whined.

"So... Yomigami granted her with the power of Rejuvenation?" Issun looked as though he were having trouble processing this. "You can't really use it, can you? I mean, you're not a goddess or anything..."

"What about you?" Mikey countered.

"I'm a special case," Issun replied simply. "...'sides, we're not technically the same race anyway."

"That still makes you more of a bug than a divine being, you know," Bacon said.

"Yeah, and you're a pig," Issun muttered.

"And a squid!" Desi added optimistically.

Ignoring him, Bacon continued. "Besides, didn't we ALL get a bit of Ammy's powers? That should technically make us all divine beings now, since we all got divine energy and crap inside us now. I mean, come on...freaking tails and ears."

"So I just turned down becoming a divine being earlier?" Senom raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't think that's the case. I'm just saying, it's probably a representation of our newfound divinity, tails or brushes," Bacon explained for her.

"Wouldn't that make us demigods, though- oh glob." Mikey froze. "No no no no no no we're not starting this. Forget I said anything. Quick, before we have to bring in the blue food."

"I want Sally Jackson to be my mom..." Mystic pouted.

"MYSTIC! As soon as you acknowledge it, bad things happen, remember?!" Mikey flailed her arms.

"We're in Nippon." Desi deadpanned. "I think all the monsters are going to be drawn to the group of five kids with wolf ears and tails regardless or not if we acknowledge it."

"Four." Senom reminded.

"Thank you," Bacon muttered from the back.

"As long as we run like hell from Demon Scrolls, we'll be fine." Mystic waved a hand.

Mikey smacked her forehead and turned on her heel, running off toward the dried up riverbed. She stopped at the edge, staring at the river and wondering how they (or at least, she) would get across after it was fixed. She shrugged and began to wave her tail, drawing in the water with much concentration.

"I really hope you all can swim..." Bacon muttered, shaking his head as he joined her. "...because I am NOT ferrying you all across."

Senom sweatdropped, trudging along behind. "Yeaaaaaah about that, I sorta failed my swimming lessons two years ago..."

"I call lifeguard duty!" Desi decided.

Mikey muttered something, but she couldn't say much due to her trying to concentrate on restoring the river.

"I'd ferry you, but... I kinda had a bad experience with ferrying people, so..." Mystic looked away.

Mikey suddenly relaxed, and there was suddenly a lot more water than previously- she'd repaired the river. "There," she said approvingly. "...by the way, I can't swim. I can sort of do a breaststroke, but not for too long."

Bacon sighed explosively. "You guys are gonna kill me..." he complained.

Senom shrugged. "I'll go look for some pots unless someone got the power to conjure floaties..."

Issun sputtered as he stared at the renewed river. "But- but you didn't actually do that, did you?"

"Oh, no, of course I didn't," Mikey muttered sarcastically.

In the meantime, Bacon was crouched down on the back, staring into the mass of stars floating by, and said, "Actually, I don't think it's that deep. Might be chest-height for you guys, but that's low enough to wade through I think."

Taking off his shoes, Bacon proceeded to jump into the water, and as he thought, it only went up to about his stomach in height...even so, that didn't stop him from going "OH HOLY-" as an ice cold shock from near-freezing water hit him. "Freaking geez, this is COLD! Why is a river of stars COLD?!"

"GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOO~!" Desi cheered as she ran into the water. A second later, she screamed, "OH DEAR AMATERASU WHY IS THIS WATER NOT IN SOLID FORM?-!"

"YAY, IT'S COLD!" Mystic cheered before swan diving into the river.

Mikey slowly waded into the water, wincing with discomfort every slow step of the way. When she had waded in completely, as Bacon predicted, it was roughly shoulder height for her. "Yeah... this is great, alright..." she muttered.

"Will someone give me a ride?!" Issun shouted, bouncing around frantically on the shore.

"NOPE!" Mystic called out cheerfully as she began backstroking towards the other side.

"Not it," Bacon said, trekking over to the opposite bank.

Senom, who had managed to keep her mouth shut for some reason for the past few minutes, gave him her middle finger as a reply.

Issun shook a fist at them all.

Mikey grumbled and waded back over. "Shoulder. And stay there," she said coldly, as Issun hopped over. "If you go anywhere else... ...may Amaterasu have mercy on your soul."

"What? I'm not doing anything..." he complained.

Mikey grumbled and waded back into the water, uncomfortably making her way over to the opposite bank and emerging soaked in... very shimmery looking water. In fact, everyone drenched in it seemed to be glowing somewhat. "...If anyone makes any vampire jokes..." Mikey threatened, forming a gun with her fingers and pointing it around at the group.

"Well, aren't you all shiny today." Mystic commented, shaking her head like a dog and flinging water everywhere. "Are you going to cut us with that gun, Mikey?"

"Yes," came the flat reply. "And I will also shoot you with this knife."

Senom, meanwhile, was complaining loudly whilst tying her jacket around her waist. "There better be a way to get all of these sparkles off because I feel like-" She cut herself off with a well-timed coughing fit.

"Sparkle sparkle~" Desi said in a high-pitched voice.

"Desi I will stab you~" Her sister mimicked.

"You love me too much to kill me." She countered. "...I think."

"Yeah...sure," Bacon chuckled.

"What's that supposed to imply?" Senom shot him a look.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all..." Bacon spoke dismissively, walking off and trailing sparkles from the river in his wake.

"Can I try that suicide attempt again?" The youngest member of the party groaned, following. "Because I am NOT dealing with sparkles much longer."

Desi just followed after her sister, quietly humming Cave of Nagi to herself.

Mikey gloomily followed them, rubbing her arms to gather heat and trying to ignore Issun's constant chatter, feeling exceptionally grateful for her headphones.

Mystic cartwheeled after them for no apparent reason.

And the misadventure continued.

_… PSYCHE wait 'till the next chapter._


	4. Authors Obtained: Weapons!

**1) Fate really didn't want us to write out this chapter.  
****2) This chapter is shorter than USUD standard because we really wanted to get it posted already.  
****3) All reviewers of this chapter get five author bodyguards with weapons they quite frankly don't know how to use.**

**That is all.**

* * *

Chapter 3- Authors Obtained: Weapons!

"This thing seems endless," muttered Mystic as they walked up MORE path. "I mean there's road, and then more road, and more road, and it just keeps going on and on and on and on and just... ROAD. EVERYWHERE. SO MUCH GODDAMN ROAD."

Desi, meanwhile, was just humming the music that played in the Cave of Nagi, as per usual for basically every situation that came up.

Be prepared for this to be a running gag of some sort.

Bacon, in the meantime, was more concerned with the little parting gift that the river of stars had left with him.

"What's with all this stupid sparkling?!" he complained, growing progressively louder. "GAH, it's just like glitter! I hate glitter! It's the bane of my existence, I swear! That stuff never comes off of me!"

Senom shuddered and began to pull her arms through her jacket sleeves the proper way. "I think I'm having an allergic reaction."

Mikey paused.

"...Brace yourselves," she muttered, realizing her warning in the previous chapter would likely not stop the reviewers from mentioning anything. "The Twilight jokes are coming."

"Well, at least my hair's shiny, for once," Mystic commented. "Usually it's just greasy as heck. Now it's all shiny and flowy." She paused. "... Like Waka's!" she grinned, dissolving into a fit of giggles a few seconds later.

"Butbutbutbutbutbut your hair is so soft..." Mikey flailed her hands and suddenly started petting Mystic's hair, completely forgetting that they weren't supposed to mention Waka around Issun. "Sooooooft."

"Can you stop that?!" Mystic flailed, doing an impressive Gobber voice, and hopped over closer to Bacon.

The man's only response was to lightly facepalm and drag his hand down his face, thinking all the while, _"Why am I putting UP with this?"_

"...You doin' okay over there, buddy?" Mikey prodded Bacon. "You look like we're draining all your energy out of you. ...Oh wait, we probably are." She shrugged and put her hands on her hips, tilting her head at Bacon. "Never mind."

"Isn't there, like, some sort of monster or creature or whatever from ancient mythology that drains all your energy?" Mystic asked. "... Something like that? I'm pretty sure I read about it somewhere."

Of course, no one answered her.

Also, the shrug that Mikey gave just a minute ago somehow caused Issun to topple off of Mikey's shoulder and fall into the grass. "...Don't do that anymore," he complained, pushing himself up.

"Thennnn hitch a ride with Bacon, you're gonna need to become friends before this trip's over," Mikey said firmly, clearly not willing to take any more of Issun's babbling right next to her ear.

"HAH! You wish!" Bacon yelled from further up the path.

"YEAH, LIKE I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH A PORK CHOP!" Issun shouted back, hopping to his feet.

"You had better or both of you will suffer my..." Mikey pretended to suddenly have a dramatically horrible change in mood by darkening her expression. "..._wrath._"

And then Mikey walked away as if nothing had happened, leaving Issun to bounce after them as quickly as he could.

"Issun just wants the V," Mystic muttered, still walking beside Bacon for whatever reason.

"Hey, guys," Desi piped up. "Do you think people will be able to see our ears and tails? Or will they be invisible like Ammy's markings would normally be?"

Senom shrugged. "I'unno, I'm not the one with a tail. … Probably the latter, though..."

"Yeah, I would think it'd be pretty inconvenient when four mutants just stroll through Nippon like nothing's wrong," Bacon commented, throwing a quick glance back at his tail. "...Minus one normal looking person with a brush."

A goofy grin suddenly crossed Desi's face. "Teenage mutant hero wolves/humans/things~ Teenage mutant hero wolves/humans/things~ Teenage mutant hero wolves/humans/things~ Heroes with ears and tails~ Wolfeh power~"

"NO." Bacon bellowed back at her.

"Desi, there are so many problems with that. Please no." Mikey buried her face in her hands. More than likely, she was hiding her face because it was beginning to burn at the very comparison of an Okami SI to... ...to some turtles. Who also happened to be teenagers, and ninjas, and turtles. Did I mention turtles? And teenagers? Oh, and I've forgotten mutant. That too.

"Why do I keep re-relating myself to you?!" Senom moaned irritably.

At the generally negative responses from her friends, Desi just stuck her hands in her pockets and glued her gaze to the ground, glaring at whoever was closest to her every few seconds.

Throughout all of this, Mystic was smacking the side of her head in an attempt to dull the growing headache.

As if on cue, the youngest member of the party instantly slid over to Mystic and grinned cheerily. "Advil? It's the every pain reliever~! … oh, wait, we're in ancient Japan, there's no such thing as pain pills yet..."

"I don't even like Advil..." Mystic mumbled. "I prefer Motrin."

"Best you can hope for is some tea, I think," Bacon muttered.

"New nickname for Bacon: Sensei Wu." Desi announced proudly, all former moodiness now put aside, wagging her tail while sending a smirk in aforementioned person's direction.

"Desiiiiiiii." Senom complained. "Noooooooooooooooooo. Don't invoke the wrath of our new next-door neighborly country."

Mystic sped up so she was AWAY from the party yet still on the path.

"Wait," Desi put a hand on her chin in thought. "Didn't we already say that Nippon was supposed to be Ninjago, just a few decades earlier or something?"

"That was my theory," Mystic called back.

Issun was taking all of this in with a very blank look on his face as if he was confused but was deciding not to question it for fear of becoming even more confused.

"Guys, let's get back on track. I think I see some kind of cave up ahead..." Bacon spoke up.

"Some kind of cave?" Desi deadpanned. "Uh, Bacon, we've-"

She stopped herself mid-sentence, suddenly remembering the existence of Issun and his suspicions. "...Disregard that last sentence."

Mikey facepalmed yet again, getting the feeling a lot of facepalming would be had on this adventure. "...Can do."

Issun, thankfully, was too preoccupied with stalking Mystic because. ...Do you need another reason aside from that? It's Issun.

Mystic, meanwhile, was currently listening to her echo in said cave. "Woah, this place is huge!" she called, giggling as she heard her own voice repeat several times. "Cool!" She chirped, repeatedly yelling out "COOL!" and listening to her own echo, all the while referencing The Incredibles. Because why not.

Senom's eyes suddenly lit up and she clasped her hands together, an expression of purest awesome crossing her face.

"The reverb in here is amazing..." She gasped, starstruck. "It's beautiful..."

Bacon whistled appreciatively, taking in the sights as the group continued to move forwards, deeper into the mysterious geological formation.

"...I've never been in a cave before..." Mikey admitted as she entered the cave alongside her companions. "But I kinda get the feeling this isn't your usual cave, huh?"

"You guyyyysss! Can't you hear it~?" Senom spun around and giggled. "Can't you hear that echo effect? It's _gorgeous_! The reverb's _like a dream come true!_"

"Does no one else see the huge-ass statue _right there_?" Mystic asked.

"I do!" Issun declared. ...Of course, no one really heard him.

"WOMAN WHY YOU NO HAVE APPRECIATION FOR BEAUTIFUL SOUND EFFECTS." Senom flailed.

"If we do, then we just don't care," Desi responded with a shrug as she walked a little bit past her sister. "After all, we're the Great RP of Doom group! Forget logic and plot- I mean, uhhh...ignore what I just said."

"I thought we were just the Doom group," Mikey mumbled, tilting her head slightly.

"Moving on," Mystic muttered. "...were those chests there before? 'Cause I'm pretty sure they weren't." She pointed to the row of chests sitting at the base of the giant statue.

"They've been there," Issun pointed out. "...But hey, treasure!" He eagerly bounced over to take a closer look at them.

"...We're inside some interdimensional pocket of space, and all you can think about is _treasure?"_ Bacon said.

Mystic gave Bacon a look that said "It's Issun, what do you expect?" before sliding down the sloped cliff of sorts and over to the chest on the far left, shoving the lid off of it once she reached it.

As if on cue, Issun complained to Bacon, "What do you _want_ me to think about?"

"Don't answer that question, Bacon," Mikey said abruptly. "Don't answer it. It's a trap."

Bacon had a sudden mental image of Admiral Ackbar, but kept his mouth shut.

Meanwhile, Mystic was staring blankly at the tiger claws lying at the bottom of the chest. "... What is this I don't even."

Desi opened up the treasure chest nearest to her, her eyes widening two seconds before she let out a squee not unlike a rabid fangirl's and practically lunged for the weapon inside. "Bow and arrows! Yessss!" She couldn't resist the temptation to spin around on one foot, lift up the new item in one hand, grinning like an idiot, and sing the classic "Danananaaa~" jingle from about every Zelda game ever.

Issun bounced onto the edge of Desi's the open treasure chest eagerly, then drooped in undisguised disappointment as he watched her hold up her new weapon. "...that's all?"

Senom was busying herself with kicking open a chest and blinking.

"... Why is there a mechanical pencil in this thing?"

"Beats me, but- OH HELL YES!" Bacon suddenly yelled, after opening his up and spotting the massive two-handed sword lying innocuously inside it, looking suspiciously like a european claymore, but not complaining in the slightest despite the fact they were technically in Japan. Because who cared, right? "DIBS! So many dibs!"

Senom took the mechanical pencil and clicked the eraser end. Instantly it shifted into a scythe. "... I changed my mind, this is the best thing I've ever seen. Let's just not question it."

And Mikey awkwardly tiptoed toward the last chest- it was a large one, but they all were- and opened it up. Her mouth fell open slightly as she stared inside of it. "...This thing is... amazing..." She reached in and pulled out the enormous, cruel-looking chainsaw and held it up. "...how am I holding this?! ...Whatever, not gonna complain. LOOK, YOU GUYS. I'VE GOT A CHAINSAW."

"...and if we find a hockey mask lying around here, I'm rage-quitting life..." Bacon muttered in response, before looking back to his own weapon, which he was attempting to pick up and balance on his shoulder with a great deal of effort.

"I never saw that movie," Mikey commented as she examined her chainsaw.

"This is so cool," Mystic grinned, having put on the tiger claws and was now swinging them around experimentally.

"So I guess all that was here was some weapons for you guys, huh?" Issun queried from atop one of the treasure chests. "I wonder if the gods put these here. That'd be kinda weird..."

"Who knows." Mystic shrugged.

"The OCs are _far_ from godly," Mikey muttered under her breath.

"Technically, isn't- I mean, shutting up now." Desi had to stop herself for about the tenth time in the past twenty minutes.

"That'd make sense. Li probably thinks I'll kill myself with this thing." Senom leaned the scythe against her shoulders as she answered Issun and Mikey. "... which I probably will, but hey. Free scythe. I'm not complaining."

_"Wait, did the OCs give this to us as some sort of sick joke, or are we really getting helped out by the other Brush Gods?"_ Bacon thought to himself as he continued examining his sword.

"I'm more afraid of Mikey accidentally murdering us all with her chainsaw..." Desi trailed, taking a couple steps away from aforementioned team member.

"Desi," Mikey said, somewhat flatly. "Desi, I'm an author. Not a murderer. I may be German, but I'm not Hitler. 'kay."

"...You're German?" Bacon asked, sounding unconvinced.

"German-Columbian mix," Mikey answered with a casual shrug. "I mostly take after the latter, though."

Senom raised her hand slowly. "... I'm a grammar Nazi, does that count for anything?"

"NOT ALL GERMANS ARE NAZIS, SENOM."

"ALL I SAID WAS THAT I HAVE ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO SHITTY GRAMMAR."

"I don't see you puking any rainbows," Mikey retorted.

"Or breaking out in hives!" Bacon chipped in.

Mystic apparently decided it was high time to get on with the plot. "ENOUGH!" She crossed her arms. "Mikey, I believe that Nagi's statue is missing something." Hint hint.

"Huh? Oh, right," Mikey agreed, and looked up at the stone sword, tail waving as she filled in the missing piece.

"And here comes the most spammable technique in all Okami..." Bacon muttered under his breath. Senom elbowed him.

"_Issun is in the vicinity,_" She hissed.

"You're right. The most spammable technique is actually Exorcism Slips."

Desi motorpoked her sister in an annoying manner, looking quiet concerned. "Hey sis, we're not going to waste all of our yen on Exorcism Slips, _right?_"

And here we have a prime example of a paranoid gamer who buys nothing but healing items. Too bad she's horribly outnumbered by the offensive item spammers.

Senom gave Desi her best poker face. "Actually, yes, we _are_."

Mikey snorted, rolling her eyes as she did so. "Silly Desi, you don't have to worry about that. ...We'll only waste _most_ of it on exorcism slips." And of course the headphones-wearing girl was mentally trollfacing.

The green-haired girl looked concerned, but she figured it was the best she was gonna get from these people.

"Right, because I'm TOTALLY sure that we can eat painted slips of paper for sustenance," Bacon quipped. "Yum! Nothing like a heaping helping of holy light that pierces demons!"

"I said most," Mikey said patiently, putting her hands in her pockets. "I like food too."

Mystic had to commend Tachigami for waiting while everyone else completely ignored his introduction.

...though of course it could be said that when the rest of the party finally came around they were all probably either A) embarrassed or B) surprised Tachigami was still there. Or some other third thing, maybe.

"Oh hey, it's the rat that defies all known laws of physics," Bacon remarked, looking over at the massive sword said rat was carrying.

"_For goodness' sake Bacon, he's kind of a god,_" Mikey muttered.

Mystic smacked Bacon's shoulder. "Respect the mouse."

Said mouse god seemed to be rightfully ignoring this conversation. "Well, well, well... if it isn't the messengers of Amaterasu. As you are all doubtlessly aware, I am Tachigami, and I will do everything in my power to aid you on your quest."

Mystic was trying very hard not to squeal at his voice.

Senom poked Bacon and muttered something.

Bacon then noticed that, being the weapon of a Brush God, Tachigami's sword actually looked a great deal...well, _cooler_, than his own recently acquired weapon, and got some sort of crazy idea in his head that was likely born out of his withdrawals from a lack of lifegiving soda.

"Hey, uh...Tachi, right? You think it'd be cool if I, uh...y'know...borrowed that sword of yours? I mean, I just wanna look at it...just for a second."

The brush god actually looked amused. "I can do better than that, messenger. Allow me to bestow my power upon you all and wish you luck in your endeavors."

And then preeeeeeeeeetty liiiiiiiiiiiiiights I mean orb that circled around the party and went into Mystic.

And so everyone suddenly appeared back in the cave of awesome.

A cheshire cat grin slowly stretched across Mystic's face. "Oh hell to the fucking yes."

"Language, missy," Bacon cut in, waving his finger like a scolding parent.

"I'll swear if I want to." Mystic crossed her arms.

"_I_ swear you are the reason this adventure's gonna have to go from a T rating to an M rating," Mikey mumbled to herself.

Mystic grinned unashamedly at Mikey.

Senom overheard and blinked pitifully. "But... I thought that was my job..."

"Looks like life handed you the pink slip, ol' buddy." Mikey patted Senom's shoulder sympathetically.

"... What the hell does that even mean DID SOMEONE PAINT TOBI PINK."

Mikey hissed and made another cut-throat motion at Senom. She got the hint.

"Pink slips are what you get when you're fired from a job, I'm pretty sure." Mystic answered Senom's question.

"I thought they meant ownership of a car...?" Bacon piped up.

Mystic shrugged.

"I am so confused right now," Desi announced, though two seconds later she put a hand on her chin in thought. "Actually, I'm _always_ confused whenever conversations are happening, but whatever."

"Hold up!" Issun exclaimed, bouncing over to Mystic. "Now you have Tachigami's technique?! ...Okay, I'm not sure if I believe that. Rejuvenation's one thing, Powerslash is something else entirely."

"...Now she can cut us," Mikey whined, suddenly realizing this and backing away slowly with her arms held up in front of her face.

The cheshire grin returned to Mystic's face.

"...DESI, WHY WERE YOU AFRAID OF ME MURDERING EVERYONE. BE AFRAID OF _MYSTIC_."

"Don't give anyone ideas! I think we're all crazy enough as it is!" Bacon complained. "...I think I'm feeling a little crazy myself, actually..." he added, feeling a headache coming on from lack of soda.

And thus, Desi burst out into song. "DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAAAZEEEEH~?"

She was promptly whacked upside the head by her younger sister.

Bubbling with excitement, Mystic turned to the enormous rock off to the left and brought up her tail before making a clean stroke through the air. The rock split in two, the upper half sliding down to the floor.

Issun had gone off to stand atop an open treasure chest again, but fell backwards off of the treasure chest's edge in shock and fell inside as a result.

Mikey silently watched Mystic slice the rock, blinking. "...Alright, it's gonna be weird seeing you cut stuff in half all the time. Just be careful you don't cut any of us in half."

Mystic stuck her tongue out at Mikey playfully, before looking like she had just had a sudden thought. "... Aw man, what if I wag my tail and just cut the whole dang background?"

"I don't think it works like that," Mikey pointed out in response.

"If I end up cutting down a ton of background trees because of that, I'm going to spam you with "I told you so"s," Mystic warned.

"Try it, then," Mikey suggested, folding her arms. "Wag your tail."

"No, wait-" Bacon started, but it was too late. The teen's recently acquired tail was already moving.

There was a sudden, loud _CRACK_ that echoed throughout the cavern. In the next moment, the stone sword had come clean off and was now falling towards the group.

"OH WHAT THE HELL-"

_WHAM!_

Mikey's eyes widened in horror.

Desi clung to her sister's arm in panic.

Senom just blinked and muttered "... oh shit we screwed up didn't we".

Mystic's face drained of all color, and she stared at the spot where Bacon had been- now replaced with Nagi's recently repaired sword lying on the floor- for a few seconds before she clapped her hands to her mouth and let out an ear-splitting scream.

{.[.(.B-M-M-D-S.).].}


End file.
